Growing up, I was very active in our local church. Any time the doors were open, I was there. Heck, I had a key to the door and knew how to turn the alarm off! Needless to say, I’ve heard lots of lessons and sermons referencing calling, mission, and ministry. I prayed many times throughout my life that I would be obedient to whatever God ‘called’ me to do.
I would be a total liar if I were to say that I was obedient 100% of the time! Let’s be honest, saying Yes to Jesus often requires us to do things and go places that are way outside our comfort zones and quite inconvenient. His plans often disrupt our own. They cause us to agonize over the ramifications of saying yes, not just for ourselves, but for our loved ones and our families.
Back in 2005, we were just minding our own business, walking the path before us. Maj W was teaching high school, helping with the local high school band, coaching the distance runners for the high school track team – investing his life into theirs. It’s what he did and what he did very well, I might add! I helped lead a women’s Bible Study, sang with the praise team at our church, and played keyboard for the choir and traditional services.
We had a 1-year-old little boy. We were navigating life as a one-income family as best we could. Life was floating along splendidly and that’s really what we thought our life would be like for the short term. Little did we know!
When we said YES to the very obvious calling of God for us to become a military family, we had no idea what we were doing. I have a habit of wandering blindly into fairly major life changes! Did you notice that pattern? I even applied to a college I had never heard of and attended that college having never stepped foot onto the campus until the day I moved into the dorm. Dumb, dumb, dumb. God’s hand was all in that, too! I’m chasing a rabbit…
We were so clueless, but both of us at some point in our lives had given God a blank check and said YES to whatever it was He had for our lives. There are days when my human, concrete, finite self would love to call the bank and place a stop payment on that blank check! I know in my heart of hearts, though, that we are right where we are supposed to be. I’m grateful that the God of the Universe has so much more knowledge and wisdom than I do about these things!
About the time we went all in Army, my friend Teresa and our worship team began singing Watermark’s Knees to the Earth. I loved hearing Teresa pour her heart into that song. We had the best worship team at the time. Not that we were all like stellar, professional singers.
We were a talented bunch, don’t get me wrong, but we also had a lot of love for each other! We just enjoyed being together, cutting up or worshiping Jesus. Our relationships have outlasted time and distance. Still today, I go to those girls when I have a need that they can pray over. The types of relationships we had are hard to replicate.
As our life transition drew closer, our worship leader decided to assign me the duties of leading that song. As I prepared for that worship service, I began to digest the words and message of the song in a way I never had before. It became super personal to me. The words became the cry that I would cling to as we left everything familiar and easy to venture into a world and lifestyle about which we knew so little.
I can remember the challenge it was to lead this song that final time, the frailty, the emotion, as I scanned a crowd of worshipers who had been such an incredible help and encouragement as we prepped for this change.
People who moved us from one condo to another.
People who babysat my wild 1 year old while Maj W was away at Basic Training and Officer Candidate School.
People who prayed over us and cried with me when life was hard and lonely at home.
People who delivered my favorite Starbucks coffee concoction to my door.
People who literally scrubbed my toilets and mopped my floors, though 2 of them don’t remember doing this!
These words became my cry of surrender, my declaration that I was willing to walk away from the familiar in following whatever it was that God had in store for our family. Here I am.
Beautiful Jesus, You are my only worth…Not necessarily a phrase that I imagined I’d have to cling to, but going from being somebody to being absolutely nobody, Jesus had to become my only worth. I went from a place where people were saying, “Good job,” “Thanks for sharing your gifts with us,” “Can you head up this Sunday night program?” or “Wanna go to Fatz for dinner?” to a situation where it was more like “What’s your name again?”
Starting over is hard and lonely and never gets easier! Of all the parts of moving with the Army, this is the worst. Wait until I tell you about moving to our current location? Breaking into very established groups and churches and social circles is a total killer, causing me, every single time we move, to come to a point where I have to come to the point of saying, “Okay God. You’re all I’ve got! Help me be content with that if I never have a friend or a purpose in this new place.”
I’m really not being dramatic for the sake of being dramatic. This is a real cycle I go through every time we move and try to get plugged in at our new location.
Be blessed. Be loved. Be lifted high. Ultimately these need to be my focus, regardless of whether I love our new duty station or not. My purpose is to live in such a way as to bring glory to Jesus, to treasure Him, wherever this journey takes me. Friends or no friends. Great church or not great church. Husband home or husband away.
I owe my life to You, My Lord.
Here I am.
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You know I had a good chuckle in the middle of this post. The Bible says when you give, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing… Apparently the memory should also be skipped as well. My partner in crime got us into lots of adventures back in those days.
You know I can relate to this post. Sitting here in Moore SC, crashing the senior luncheon just for some companionship. Missing so many people just 2 hours away. Yet God is using this to call me to Him, to be still, and to experience Him like never before. Some days it’s really hard, but He is enough.
I just listened to the song and could picture you singing it. I love your voice and your heart. Thanks for sharing.
You and your partner in crime taught me so much about life and loving others, and still are! I’ll pray God provides you a ‘community,’ small or vast, to connect and serve with. This moving gig is not for the faint of heart! Miss you!!