2 years ago, if you had told me I would voluntarily walk away from my part-time preschool teaching gig, I would have looked at you cross-eyed! At the end of May, that’s exactly what I did, though. I packed up my fairly organized cabinet of weekly theme resources and turned in my key fob. The decision was bittersweet!

These last 16 months or so of my life have been really stressful and I knew, for my mental and emotional sanity, I needed to walk away and take some time to figure out what I really want to do with my life. It’s like I have been on a treadmill that, without my pushing a button, has increased in speed and incline. Ripping the emergency stop cord off the console was my only option for regaining control of my own life.

The one area of my life that I have the ability to pull the plug was my part-time teaching gig. My kids’ schedules are basically unchangeable. 2 of my kids swim competitively year-round, requiring them to be at practice 3-4 times a week, at least. To see real improvement, though, they really should go 5-6 times a week, which is likely to be our goal come fall. My oldest has become more involved in youth activities at church and is spending the summer training for the high school cross country team. He requires lots of transportation! Then there’s HarpAlyse who, even though we’ve seen drastic improvements in her behaviors this year, can blow a gasket at any given moment, adding a whole other level of stress to our already hectic lives.

As a young child, I knew I would teach. I had the most educated stuffed animals in the state of Texas! They even had a color chart attached to the side of my file cabinet where I kept worksheets that my 3rd grader teacher had discarded. (This was an early sign of my packrat tendencies.) I had an attendance book and a grade book. All of my books in my bedroom were color-coded and alphabetized and some even had card pockets in them for their checkout cards. If you have no idea what I’m talking about, well, you’re not as old as I am! Teaching was in my blood!

I also loved music.  So it seemed obvious that I would go into music education, right?  I think I mentioned how much I abhorred practicing piano or being confined in a practice room while my friends hung out in the dorm lobby watching first-run episodes of E.R. I mean, really, sit with a black, shiny Kawai piano in a lonely practice room or watch young George Clooney in scrubs on the TV screen? The choice was obvious!

Honestly, not getting an education degree came down to two things: listening to bad advice from a peer and adding an extra year to my already lengthened college career so that I could complete the 2 required foreign language credits for Education majors. My tendency toward seeing the glass half empty didn’t help my case at all. I ended up getting a B.S. in Interdisciplinary Studies because when I analyzed all the degree programs at North Greenville College (now University), Interdisciplinary Studies was the most direct route to a diploma! Enough Said!

Dropping my resignation from my teaching position went against everything in my being. However, it was absolutely the right thing to do!

As I face the days ahead, I am finally going to pursue a dream, a dream that has been bouncing around in my mind and heart for a long time.  My dream is to help others learn to love their homes! I have no intentions of being the next Peter Walsh or Candice Olson. I mean, if that ever happened, I wouldn’t complain, but I’m just me! Little ol’ Jen! (My clothes don’t think I’m little, but 22 days into Whole30 and I’m not getting bigger so that’s good, right?) I just want to organize and decorate and maybe make a few extra bucks for a cup of coffee while I’m at it.

The problem with me and this dream is my lack of confidence in my skills and abilities when it comes to organizing and decorating! When it comes to the self-confidence scale in general, I’m about negative 100,000. My ability to question absolutely everything is uncanny. My allegiance to the what if’s is unwavering. I have signed that pledge card and given over my mind to that endeavor.

What if I fail?

What if no one wants my services?

What if someone hates the work I do?

What if people think I charge too much? 

What if I get attacked while organizing someone’s shoes?

What if I can’t live up to something that I’ve promised?

What if the sky really does fall?

I’ve battled these types of questions my whole life, about every possible new circumstance I’ve ever encountered. Risk-Taking and Jen Wade are like oil and water! The two do not belong in the same sentence.  I rather enjoy the comfort and safety of the familiar.

As a high school graduate, I turned down a full-tuition scholarship to any school in the state of TX because of my fears of living in a public college dorm. No lie! Every fall, when I hear the University of Texas Fight Song and see stands full of burnt orange, daggers pierce my heart. I should’ve been Keeping Austin Weird. Instead, I camped out for a year in the safety of a Southern Baptist school, halfway between home and the UT campus.

For years, I have contemplated walking this path, but my fear and my self-doubt almost immediately take root and have halted any forward progress. “Not no mo’!”

I’m going to put myself out there and see what becomes of pursuing my dream of helping people create lovely spaces in their homes, through small-scale decorating and organizing projects.

I have no idea how this will work. Absolutely none! Over the next month, I’m going to work on legal details, take a few courses so that I can appear to be somewhat legit, and start spreading the word that my services are going to be available starting in August.

To say I’m petrified may be an understatement, but I have no better opportunity to pursue this than now.

My husband is home. Apart from some short business travel, he should be sleeping at the Yellow Cottage and have somewhat of a predictable schedule. You can roll your eyes with me at that “predictable” statement because if you know anything about the Army, nothing is ever predictable! If you know anything about my husband, his hard work ethic and competence land him lots of sucky duties.

All of my kids will be back in school in August at the same complex, on basically the same schedule. No more Pre-K early pickup carline. No more walking Harper to her classroom every morning to sign her in. Heck, she can even ride the bus this year! Hip, hip, hooray! And my husband is home and will be able to help with drop-off and toting them to their respective extracurricular activities.

I have no obligations to anyone or anything once school starts back! None. 5 days a week, I have enormous amounts of freedom that I haven’t had in years. I’m absolutely giddy about being able to get stuff done at home, or in your homes, without lesson plans or craft prep or thinking of solutions to deal with a problem child in my classroom, constantly weighing on my mind!

I can’t wait to see how this all falls into place. I’ll keep you posted as the ball starts rolling. I guarantee the ball is shaped more like a football than a soccer ball, wobbling in every direction!

Thank you for hanging out here Yellow Cottage Living. Thank you to all of you who have been supportive and encouraging and told me I have skills! Thanks for sticking around.

Do you have a dream that has been eating at you, waiting for you to pursue it? Share in the comments or on my Facebook page. Let’s spur each other on to pursue the dreams that we haven’t been brave enough to even vocalize yet.

Other Posts You May Enjoy

My Life In Music Part 1

My Life In Music Part 2