About 2 years ago, I was facing the reality of my celebrating my 40th birthday. When did I get this old? In the deep recesses of my mind, I had an unspoken goal of stepping on the ever so honest scale and being back to my wedding day weight by the time I turned 40. Not sure why 40 was such a motivating number, but it was. I guess the whole cresting the proverbial hill thing…

I have struggled with my weight for as much of my life as I can remember. When I was about 10, someone took a picture of me playing with one of our many cats. All I could see in that picture, besides my 80’s style sleeveless shirt that said “totally awesome,”or something like that on it, was this belly roll hanging over the edge of the table. This particular picture was probably the beginnings of my self image/weight related issues. When I was in high school, some guy told me I looked like an orca. I’ve never forgotten that. I’m pretty sure I remember exactly where I was standing, what I had on and the expression on my face in that moment. <em>Words hurt worse than broken bones!</em>

<em>(I don’t pull these fat days pictures out at parties and pass them around so consider yourself among the privileged that I would share such miserable pictures with you!)</em>

When MAJ W and I started dating, we were both on our own little weight loss journeys and managed to shed quite a few pounds by our wedding day. Through the years and 4 pregnancies – let’s be honest, I can blame lots of my weight issues, pregnant or not, on these 4 beautiful children. If only it were that simple, right? Truth is I eat when I’m bored and when I’m stressed. So basically every waking minute of every single day!

So turning 40 caused me to embrace a determination to shed the excess like nothing else has ever motivated me before. I committed to eating less by following the Weight Watchers eating plan and to exercising more. Weight loss really is, or should be, that simple. Eat less. Exercise more. I tracked points for months and for months I fired up my Kindle to some mindless romance novel and elliptical-ed the pounds away. About 2 months before the big 4-0 milestone I added in a little bit of running, because running is so fun…Ha! I hated running, but my body has always responded well to running.

By May 24 of last year, 2016, I was at my wedding day weight and the fight to stay there began. I’ve struggled up and down a few pounds along the way, but have been able to maintain within a few pounds until the last 2 months.

I spent the spring training for a half marathon that I ended up not running due to some weird inner thigh/groin pain. Like seriously there were moments when I would stand up and I thought I wouldn’t be able to move my right leg ever again. Crazy, shooting weird pain!  Then a friend asked me to do 21 Day Fix with her so for 21 days of May, I portioned my food in little color coded containers and didn’t miss a single workout for 21 days. I felt great. I had trimmed and toned a little bit. I was willingly turning down junk food, and I love me some junk food!

Then…Maj W came home from travelling the Middle East. I turned 41. We celebrated his promotion. We bought this Yellow Cottage. We moved out of a rental house. We set up life in the Yellow Cottage. No routine. No sense of normalcy. Lots of eating out. I mean who wants to cook when half your crap is still in a box to be unpacked?  What’s for lunch today that I don’t have to cook or clean up became the question of the day? Chick Fil A? Taco Truck? Cookies? Loads of cookies! Cupcakes? I became a Smallcakes regular for a few weeks. <em>A word of wisdom: If you love cupcakes, but your resistance is low, you should not follow your local Smallcakes on IG! Just don’t! </em>

Exercise? Too hot to run outside – and oh that pain. Too many interruptions to workout inside. Oh, shoot, the elliptical isn’t even plugged in! Yep…excuses, excuses. I honestly never thought I would go so many days in a row without any sort of exercise. My Garmin hadn’t hit 10,000 steps in weeks!

A week and a half or so ago I stepped on the scale and had gained 10 pounds. Total Fat Butt! When the 4 year old starts patting your tummy and noticing it’s more fluffy, you know it’s time to buckle down! What’s crazy is that it’s really only 10 pounds, but when I look in the mirror, I see the me that weighed in around 30 pounds heavier 2 and a half years ago!

This week, though, summer is officially over! I went back to work this morning and for 2 days I’ve been tracking and measuring with my little color coded containers again. I absolutely hate it, but it’s necessary. Every day is a victory, right? If you see me reach for a chocolate chip cookie or a french fry or a saltine cracker…smack my hand and call me Fat Butt! Seriously, I don’t own a pair of jeans that truly fit. It’s really very sad. Wearing the clothes in my closet isn’t near as fun as it once was.

I’m committed or I’m going to be buying new clothes in a couple of weeks!